Storyteller: Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love, and true love's first kiss.
Shrek: [Laughing] Like that's ever going to happen.
[Paper Rustling, Toilet Flushes]
Shrek: What a loony.
[Toilet Door slams]
Shrek hops out his outhouse and his routine like taking a mud shower and farting in his pool.
[All-Star By Smash Mouth Playing]
Steve Harwell: Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an "L" on her forehead. Well, the years start coming
Title: Shrek.
Steve Harwell: And they don't stop coming, fed to the rules and I hit the ground running, didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb. So much to do,, so much to see, so what's wrong with taking the backstreets. You'll never know if you don't go, you'll never shine if you don't glow. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shooting stars break the mold. It's a cool place, and they say it gets colder, you're bundled up now, but wait till you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ judging by the hole in the satellite picture. The ice we skate is getting pretty thin, the water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire, how about yours? That's the way I like it...
Sign 1: Beware.
Steve Harwell: ...and I'll never get bored. Hey, now, you're an all-star.
[Shouting]
Steve Harwell: Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shooting stars break the mold.
[Belches]
Villagers: Go! Go!
[Record Scrating]
Steve Harwell: Go. Go. Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star.
Sign 2: Stay out.
Steve Harwell: Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shooting stars break the mold.
Villager 1: I think he's in here.
Villager 2: All right! Lets get it.
Villager 1: Whoa. Hold in. Do you know what that thing could do to you?
Villager 2: Yeah. He'll groan into your bones for brains.
Shrek: [Laughs] Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, huh? They are much worst. They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin.
Villager 3: Oh, no!
Shrek: They'll chew your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast.
Villager 3: Backup, backup beast, back! I warned you!
[Gasping]
Villager 3: Right.
[Roaring]
[Shouting]
[Neighing]
[Roaring]
[Roaring Continues]
[Shouting Continues]
[Neighing Continues]
Shrek: [Whispering] This is the part, where you run away.
[Gasping]
[Neighing]
Shrek: [Laughs] Yeah! [Laughing] And stay out. Wanted. Fairytale creatures.
