[Peddler]
Oh, I come from a land
From a faraway place
Where the caravan camels roam
Where they cut off your ear
Where it's flat and immense
If they don't like your face
And the heat is intense
It's barbaric, but hey- it's home!
When the wind's from the east
And the sun's from the east
And the sand in the glass is right
Come on down,
Stop on by,
Hop a carpet and fly
To another Arabian night!
Arabian nights
Like Arabian days
More often than not
Are hotter than hot
In a lot of good ways
Arabian nights
'Neath Arabian moons
A fool off his guard
Could fall and fall hard
Out there on the dunes.
Peddler: Ah, salaam, and good evening to you worth friend. Please, come closer. (Camera zooms in hitting peddler in face) Too close, a little too close. (Camera zooms back out to CU) There. Welcome to Agrabah, city of mystery, of enchantment, and the finest merchandise this side of the river Jordan. Come on down. Heh, heh. Look at this. Yes. Combination hookah and coffeemaker. Also makes julienne fries. Will not break. (taps it on table) I'm not... (it falls apart) It's broken. Oh, look at this. (Pulls out Tupperwave) I have never seen one of the intact before. This is the one Dead Sea Tupperware. Listen. (Pries it open, makes raspberry sound.) Ah, still good. (Camera begins to pan to right. The peddler hurries to catch it.) Wait, don't move. (Stop pan.) I can you see that only interest the exception rare. I think you would be most reward to consider it. (The peddler pulls the magic lamp out from his sleeve.) Do not be fool by its commonplace appearance. Like so many things, it is never seems like in the outside, but what is inside that counts. (Another pan, this one slower to left. Again, the peddler rushes to catch up.) This is no one ordinary lamp, it once change of course with the young man's life. A young man who like the lamp was more worth than never seemed. The diamond in the rough. Perhaps you would like than the tale. (The peddler pours shiny sand from the lamp into his hand.) It begins on a dark night... (The peddler throws sand into the sky, where it forms a starry nightscape.) On a dark night man waits, with a dark purpose.
(Camera tilts down to find Jafar sitting on his horse and IAGO on his shoulder. Gazeem comes riding up to the pair.)
[horse nickers]
Jafar: You are late.
Gazeem: A thousand apologies, O patient one.
Jafar: You have it, then?
Gazeem: I had to slip up a few throws, I got it. (Pulls out half of the medallion. Jafar reaches out for it, but Gazeem yanks it back.) Ah, the treasure. (Iago squawks as he flies by and grabs the medallion.) Hey!
Jafar: Trust me, my pungent friend. You'll get what's coming to you.
Iago: What's coming to you. Awk!
(Jafar pulls out the second half of the medallion. He connects them, and the insect medallion begins to glow. Finally, it flies out of Jafar's hand, scaring the horses, and is off towards the dunes.)
Jafar: Quick, I better hurry. Faster.
(All ride off, following the glowing speck of light, until it reaches a large dune. It separates into two and the halves plunge into the dune. All that remains are two glowing points of light on the dune. But then the dune begins to rise up, transforming into a giant lion's head, with the glowing points serving as the eyes.)
[horse neighs]
Jafar: At last, after all my years of searching... the Cave of Wonders.
Iago: Awk. Cave of Wonders?
Gazeem: (whispering) By Allah.
Jafar: Aha, are you waiting for it? Go on.
(Gazeem starts to approach the lion's mouth, which forms the entrance to the cave. Gazeem reaches the cave, but is blown away by the roar of the cave's speaking.)
Cave: Who disturbs my slumber?
Gazeem: (gasps) It is I, Gazeem, a humble thief.
Cave: Know this. Only one may enter here. One whose rags hide a heart that's pure. A diamond in the rough.
(Gazeem turns to Jafar with a questioning look.)
Jafar: Wait for it? Go on. But seems a lamp is mine.
(Gazeem hesitates, then moves one foot inside the cave. With great apprehension, he plants his foot down. Nothing happens. Relieved, he begins his trek again. Then another roar comes. He turns back, but the lion's mouth slams shut and the dune collapses back to normal. All that are left are Jafar, Iago, and the 2 separated halves of the medallion.)
Jafar: NOOOO!
Cave: Seek thee out the diamond in the rough.
(Iago unburied himself from the sand, coughing as he does so.)
Iago: (coughing) I can't believe it. I just don't believe it. We're never gonna get a hold of that, stupid lamp. Just forget it. Look is mess. You died. I'm molting. (He flies up to Jafar's shoulder.)
Jafar: Patience, Iago. Patience. Gazeem was obviously less then worth.
Iago: (Extremely sarcastically) Oh, there's a big surprise. That's an incredible. I think I'm going to have a heart attack and die surprise. I'll tell you what. I'll just take you die problem here, a big... (Jafar pinches his beak shut.)
Jafar: Yes. Only one may enter here. I must find when diamond in the rough.
(Cut to daytime on the street Aladdin and Abu are up to their capers again. They are on top of the awning of a fruit stand.)
Aladdin: Okay, Abu. Go on!
(Abu dips over the edge and looks at the fruit merchant.)
Fruit Merchant: (to passing crowd) Hey, your taste buds will dance me.
Abu: Blah, blah, bah!
Vendor: Getting into trouble a little early today, are we Aladdin?
Aladdin: Trouble? No way. You always in trouble it you gets caught me.
Razoul: Gotcha!
Aladdin: I'm so trouble.
Razoul: ...and got this time. (A screeching sound from Abu, then the guard's turban is pulled down over his eyes. Abu dances on the guard's head, laughing.)
Aladdin: Perfect timing, Abu. As unusual.
Abu: Hello!
Aladdin: Come on, let's get outta here! Gotta keep. One jump ahead of the breadline / One swing ahead of the sword I steal only what I can't afford / That's everything!
(Aladdin battles a guard wielding a sword. He dodges a couple of swings, then pulls down the guard's pants. Abu raspberries the guard, then dodges an attack. The guard swings at Aladdin, but destroys a barrel of fish. As Aladdin runs off, the guard pulls a fish over his lower body as a pair of pants.)
Aladdin: One jump ahead of the lawmen / That's all, and that's no joke / These guys don't appreciate I'm broke!
(Aladdin and Abu scamper up a pile of barrels, then kick one down on top of another guard.)
Guards: (one at a time) Riffraff! Street rat! Scoundrel! Take that!
Aladdin: Just a little snack, guys!
(Aladdin scampers to the top of a platform. The guards shake the platform back and fro trying to knock him off.)
Guards: Rip him open, take it back guys!
Aladdin: I can take a hint, gotta face the facts / You're my only friend, Abu!
Harem Girl: Who?
(Aladdin jumps off the platform to certain death, only to grab Abu's hands like an acrobat. The pair swing into a harem.)
Harem Girl: Oh, it's sad Aladdin's hit the bottom / He's become a one-man rise in crime
(Abu finds a plate full of fruit and stuffs his mouth full like a chipmunk.)
Mother: I'd blame parents, except he hasn't got 'em
Aladdin: Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat / Tell you all about it when I got this time!
(Aladdin and Abu exit. Cut to muscleman flexing to a crowd. The guards rush past. Cut to Aladdin and Abu behind the muscleman, matching his moves, until they make a mistake and are discovered.)
Aladdin: One jump ahead of the slowpokes / One skip ahead of my doom / Next time gonna use a nom de plume / One jump ahead of the hitmen / One hit ahead of the flock / I think I'll take a stroll around the block.
(A chase sequence, in which Aladdin and Abu, pursued by the guards, race through a flock of sheep, hurdle a man sleeping on a bed of nails {of course one extremely large guard lands on him}. Abu disguises himself with jewels until a shopkeeper discovers him.)
Crowd: Stop there! Vandal!
Aladdin: Abu?
Crowd: (Outrage!) Scandal!
Aladdin: Let's not be too hasty
(Aladdin is surrounded by guards in front of a door. The door opens and a large, ugly lady comes out.)
Lady: Still I think it's rather tasty
(Aladdin tumbles away, then puts his arm around a guard, acting like they're all chums.)
Aladdin: Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat / Otherwise we'd get along!
Guards: Wrong!
(They all jump into a pile and fight. When they stop, Aladdin and Abu are gone.)
Guard: Get him!
(They are sneaking away in barrels. They run across a flaming pit, followed by guards who hop up and down, screaming in pain as they cross the rocks. Aladdin and Abu pass a sword swallower, then Abu goes back, pulls the sword out of the swallower's mouth. Abu advances on the guards, who retreat in fear.)
Guard #1: It's got a sword.
Guard #2: You idiot, we've all got swords.
(Abu sets the sword down gently, then runs. Aladdin and Abu are once again surrounded, with guards coming from left and right. He jumps up and climbs a robe trick being done on the street, as the guards all crash into each other.)
Aladdin: One jump ahead of the hoofbeats!
Crowd: Vandal!
Aladdin: One hop ahead of the hump!
Crowd: Street rat!
Aladdin: One trick ahead of disaster
Crowd: Scoundrel!
Aladdin: They're quick, but I'm much faster
Crowd: Take that!
(The guards chase Aladdin up a staircase into a room. He grabs a carpet and jumps out the window)
Aladdin: Here goes, better throw my hand in / Wish me happy landing / All I gotta do is jump!
(The guards follow him out the window, but they go straight down to the street, and land in a pile with the sign "Crazy Hakim's Discount Fertilizer." Aladdin uses the carpet as a parachute to land safely and out of danger. Aladdin and Abu high-five each other.)
Aladdin: And now, esteemed effendi, fest. All right!
(Aladdin breaks the bread in two and gives half to Abu, who begins to eat. But Aladdin looks over and sees two young children rummaging through the garbage for food. The girl sees him, then drops her find and tries to hide. Aladdin looks at the, then the bread, then at Abu.)
Abu: Uh-oh!
(Abu takes a big bite of his food, but Aladdin gets up and walks over to the children. The girl pulls her brother back.)
Aladdin: Here, go on...take it.
(The children giggle with delight. Abu tries to swallow his bite, then looks guilty. He walks over to the children and offers his bread to them. In delight, they pet him on the head.)
Abu: Ah, don't. Huh?
(Abu sees Aladdin walking into the daylight, where there is a parade going on. Aladdin peers over the shoulders of people. He sees Prince Achmed riding on a horse.)
Man #1: On the way with a palace.
Man #2: The other suitor and the little princess.
(Aladdin is startled as the two children come running out from the alley. The boy runs out in front of the Achmed's horse, startling it.)
Prince Achmed: Hold on, right there! You filthy there.
(Achmed brings up his whip to attack the children, but Aladdin jumps in front of them and catches the whip.)
Aladdin: Oh, please, it I were as rich as you, I could afford some matter.
Prince Achmed: Oh, I told you do not some manners.
(Achmed punches Aladdin into a mud puddle. The crowd laugh at him.)
Aladdin: Look at that. It's not every day you see a horse with the end.
(Achmed stops and turns back to Aladdin.)
Prince Achmed: Oh, you are a worth street rat. You were born a street rat, you'll die a street rat, and only you fellas will mad you.
(Aladdin rushes Achmed, but the doors to the castle slam shut in his face.)
Aladdin: I'm not worth. I don't haven't flea.
(Aladdin makes the climb to his home with the view, then tucks in Abu for the night.)
Aladdin: Riffraff, street rat. I don't buy that. If only they'd look closer / Would they see a poor boy? No siree. They'd find out, there's so much more to me. Goodnight, Abu. Goodnight. Sweet dream.
(He pulls back a curtain to reveal the beautiful palace.)
Aladdin: Someday, Abu, things are gonna change it. We'll be rich, live in a palace, and never until the Sultan's palace problems at all.
(Dissolve to same shot during day. Cut to int, of Sultan's chamber. The door bursts open, and Prince Achmed storms in, missing the rear end of his pants.)
Prince Achmed: God damn it! I'll never been defeat it.
Sultan: Oh, Prince Achmed. You are not leave so soon.
Prince Achmed: Good luck marry are heard off.
